Back on the Hope Wagon (sorta).

Oh Miley, you screwed with me again.  On my drive to CT for my IUI (approx 37-38 hrs post-Hcg) this morning…the song came on just as I was getting off the exit…

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head saying
“You’ll never reach it”

Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I’m not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going


My apologies for any copyright infringements, MC.  And I was relieved to note that the song was not penned by a 16 year old who is just starting out in life…


Anyway.  That got me nice and teary for the rest of the drive.  But it also gave me strength.  While doing the insemination, Dr. Dubs was a tad more talkative than he usually is (“We’ve seen stranger things happen.  People have gotten pregnant off of cancelled IVFs here.  Sperm count was good (40 mil post-wash).  We’ll just have to see.”)  Usually, Dubs is more non-commital and much more mute when we’re in the room together–and he also had the nurse call me later to tell me to come get some progest. supps.  I will definitely keep some hope.  But just a teeny-tiny some.  I was smart enough not to ask him our “odds”–how can he possibly give odds for an IUI-turned-IVF with anywhere from three to six follicles at last count four days ago?  Even I know better than that.  He was also GREAT in that he did tell me (unprompted) that if/when I get my period, I would go on the pill for just a short time and start stims around the 16th/17th of October.  Well that’s not so far away, I can make it til then.  And since my ovaries wouldn’t be stressed from producing so many follicles or from the retrieval (which is apparently where the concern lies–as if I didn’t know that already, tyvm abdominal blood-pool from January!) there would not be reason to wait if all looked clear up there.

Now I am going to just go clean up the jelly smeared halfway across the hardwoods in the dining room, and then have a little rest.  It was a long weekend.  What I wouldn’t give for a good run right now…

One Comment, Comment or Ping

  1. The one thing I do know being around my IF friends for years now, is that STRANGE things happen… often! So we can play it low, but the reality is anything is possible. I can hope for it for you and me. I admit to googling “FET after failed fresh DE cycle” for weeks now.

    Now you have that dang song in my head again! lol

    September 14th, 2009

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