An Open Letter to My Ovaries

Dear Shitty Ovaries,


I understand that you did not decide to suck.  I understand that you have no real choice in the matter.  I understand that for some reason I CAN’T know/understand, you don’t do your job well.  But this last time?  After 14 days of Lupron you really thought it was a-ok to have three cysts that resembled Jupiter, Saturn, and Mercury?  And an E2 level over 400?  You do know, right, that I was jabbing a needle (small, I know, but a needle nonetheless) into my stomach for 14 nights, I was having hot flashes, was crazy-ass-off-my-rocker for the first seven days…and you still thought this was ok?


This is my LAST TRANSFER WITH MY OWN EMBRYOS.  And quite likely my last transfer ever.  I am kind of itching to get it over with.  I am kind of ready to shut the door (if you could read, Ovaries, I would send you the link to this blog to get you up to date on my last six years).  I was hoping to have this all done before I turned 35.  Do you remember the cake we had three weeks ago?  Yep.  35 came.  I know the fake-pregnancy until week 7 was a bit of a curveball in our plans, and I can’t blame you for that (or can I…you did produce that egg way back in early ’09).  But now that you decided to eff things up a little, I have to wait until I get my August period, and then plan to cycle and do the transfer in mid September.  I had been planning on heading to our summer vacation without needles.  Guess not.  I had been planning to train for the half marathon with vigor–now I get six weeks after a probably bfn to train (contemplating making up a race shirt with some sort of infertility focus…any ideas, Ovaries?)  We are moving a great distance in five to seven months time.  We will have a house to get ready, stage, show, and hopefully sell.  I have a lot in my head right now, and I kind of am so FREAKING PISSED AT YOU.  (Don’t carry this burden alone, I am also pissed off at Dr because he does this stupid block-cycling for his own convenience and clearly not for mine.  And still holding that grudge against Uterus for the 20-something embryos she hasn’t bothered to embrace.  Lots of pissed-off-ness to go around…)


I want to cycle.  I want to be pregnant and have one more little baby D.  One more.  Not being greedy, just trying to fill my heart.  So Ovaries, I plead, Get Your Shit Together.  Get rid of your cysts, shut yourselves down, and Be My Friend this next cycle, okay?  I know after that you have no more say in if the cycle works or not…but please.  Do your part. I will write to your bitter and hostile neighbor, Uterus, in a few more weeks, when her job becomes a bit more important.


Have a lovely day.