Trigger is not going anywhere–still crazy dark on the stick.  Which means it won’t be gone by the 10 days after trigger the standard length is (that would be tomorrow)…and while it keeps me from over-peeing on things since I am not waiting for something to appear (instead waiting for something to DISappear), it is messing with The Plan to check for the trigger to be gone, and then test on Saturday.  Because it could still feasibly be in my system on Saturday, I think!  These new tests are quite sensitive…the cheap internet ones aren’t showing anything, but the Gold Standard of Pee Tests still show a dark line.


I am still not feeling as positive as I wish I was about this.  I am feeling hopeful, for sure, but I am reading the signs my body is giving me, and it isn’t good.  I was thinking today, how many miracles can one person get in a lifetime?  I have already had two.  Three seems kind of greedy.  In order to (try) and make myself feel better about a failed cycle, I am going to make a list of everything a failed cycle would mean (in a positive way…)


1. less expenses for children (now through college.  Those four year private universities are really ridiculous these days)

2. regular wine drinking (very necessary around the hour of 5pm-7pm until T comes home from work)

3. Half-marathon planned to run in November can definitely happen

4. Boob job (and maybe some wrinkle filler?  But really need to consider the boobs.  They are at an A minus-minus-minus right now.  I could be confused for a 12 year old boy…if it wasn’t for those wrinkles)

5. more traveling with the husband, as well as with the family ( Four is an even number–for amusement park rides, two double beds in hotel rooms, and no one in the “way back” of the car)

6. More storage space (clean out the old baby clothes, toys, accoutrements)

7. No need to move in the next year to a bigger house

8. More of me to go around for the two boys I already have

9. skinny jeans can be worn the rest of the winter (well, once I start working out again and they can close…)

10. No hard decisions on what to do with the frozen embryos we have–we will instead just use them ourselves, more out of obligation to ourselves and to them, than for the actual belief they might work


Right now–this list isn’t really making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  But hopefully, in time, it will.

No Comments, Comment or Ping

Reply to “4dp3dt”