Still feeling happy…

Yesterday my boobs felt smaller.  And less hurty.  So I was getting worried (I do hate that IF plus losses means way too much caution and worry, but so be it) and felt sad.  I embrace the nausea and headaches when they come like they’re an old sweet grandma–because then I know all is ok.  So every morning and night, you might find me checking the fullness of each boob, left, then right, then left, then right (aren’t you loving the window I just gave you into my bathroom?).  It is so hard not to read into things.  Today though, I had beta #4 drawn, and it came back at 2892.  Sigh.  A bit of weight fell off my shoulders (onto my boobs, perhaps?) as I relaxed just a tenth of a percent.  I smiled a bit more this afternoon after that call.

I know I am not out of the woods.  I know this Thursday is important, I know the following Thursday’s ultrasound will be important, and I know also that I will be nervous in between every single one of them from here to…well…however long it takes to not feel so freaked out.  I am happy, I am pregnant, I am worried, I am nervous, I am hopeful, I am the oppositeofhopeful (just looked up antonyms for hopeful–and there really isn’t a word that describes what I feel).


But for today, I will smile and think of myself as Pregnant.

4 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Um 2892 woo hoo girl. You know I feel ya on reading too much into everything. I am not really having any symptoms now at just past 8 weeks and I’m like whats up. But I feel good, a few people emailed me and said they had no symptoms in their 1st trimester could I be one of the lucky ones? Damn I hope so. Fall babies for you and for me as I told you before. Smile cause you are so pregnant. Mad love & hugs catch em. xoxoxo

    March 22nd, 2010

  2. YAY!!! I am so so happy for you!!! Keep squishing those boobs if it makes you feel better. (I know I sure did!)

    Big, big hugs!!

    March 22nd, 2010

  3. what an awesome 4th beta! congrats! can’t wait to hear about thursday’s u/s. step by step, you’ll be less freaked out.

    enjoy that extra weight off your shoulders and onto your boobs! :)

    March 22nd, 2010

  4. Excellent beta :)
    I will keep my fingers crossed until Thurs then, but I’m hopeful everything will be ok. I totally understand the obsessive checking though!

    March 23rd, 2010

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