Today is/was P’s 2nd birthday.  I remember the events of two years ago as clear as day.  I remember the preceding nine months as well, because I was so nervous, waiting for the other shoe to drop, that I didn’t fully “get to” appreciate being pregnant.  Infertility leaves you quite jaded, as well as causing you to anticipate the worst.  Especially when you’ve done IVF and seen it fail.  A lot.  It takes away the joy you so want to feel, because you  are so so nervous, and anxious, and worried…infertility does this.  At least it did to me.  But it also has caused me to truly cherish the moments I have spent with my son these past two years.  It has helped me to stop going going going, and has helped me to just be.  I feel like I am so much more aware of how precious the time we have together is, because I have known failure, and I have known loss.   I may never have known or experienced these two years this way,  if I had/have not been down the rocky road I’ve traveled.  I love my little man with all my heart.  Today was one of those days you want to last forever–memorable in so many ways.  The kind of day where you wish the moments would forever stay fresh in your mind.  The kind of day that ends with you not wanting it to end at all.   It’s been that kind of day.   The troubles and fears and uncertainties that plague me every other days could not reach me today, as I cherished this one life my husband and I were blessed with and entrusted with.  I love you, P.  Happy happy birthday.

3 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Happy Birthday to your little man!

    October 23rd, 2009

  2. Happy Birthday P. What a wonderful post, I so hope I can just BE someday…. boy do i feel you on everything you wrote, except for being able to cherish my own. But i don;t give up hope, not yet anyway.

    October 24th, 2009

  3. I had a pretty tough 1st pregnancy (miserable PUPPS the last 1.5 months or so, breech baby we had to turn, etc.) Nothing terrible, just less than fun. It took me a good year to even THINK about doing it again.

    Now I’ve promised myself that if it does ever happen again I’ll cherish every single moment. Because no matter how miserable you are, it’s an amazing thing that I’ll never take for granted again.

    Happy Birthday P!

    October 27th, 2009

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