Or refined sugars. Or dairy. A life without cheese…without all the amazing things cheese makes even more amazing…pizza, nachos, pasta, burgers, sandwiches, pizza, salads, chilis, soups, pizza…Yikes. Though really what good is the cheese of a pizza if you can’t eat the crust?
My new acupunturist is a self-titled”holisitic healer”. So due to my *obvious* liver/kidney yin deficiency, I need to be on a gluten-sugar-dairy-caffeine free diet. I did not do so well Week 1. Partially because pre-Thursday I was so sure my FSH was going to be hovering around 10 (take THAT! for thinking I knew my own body!), and post-Thursday I was so pissed at my body I thought it deserved to be drowned in candy corn and coffee. I mean, REALLY? People get pregnant all the time eating crap food. I am not a dieter. I am not a good dieter either, apparently. Last night I asked Acu if this was an All Or Nothing type of thing–if I was limiting gluten but had cut out all dairy and caffeine and splenda-y products, was it moot since I ate half a delish bagel on Saturday morning? Luckily, it seems it is okay to clean up as best as I can, and I shouldn’t beat myself up if I am not perfect. Phew. Because when a Teddy Graham lands in my lap, I lack the willpower to flick it anywhere but into my mouth. After my first appointment I began the Elimination Diet, (aptly named), as it kicked all delicious foods out of my life. I sucked at saying goodbye to many of them. Now I will be striving to keep the naughty gluten, dairy, sugar and caffeine away, but I can welcome back in soy and eggs (woohoo! another dinner idea! omlettes!) –and I have made it almost a full week without dairy. This certainly has made me more mindful of what I cook and cook with–but COME ON, we are Weekend Takeout Folk, and I am now cooking weekends too. This Saturday is P’s 2nd Birthday party (how will I get through the day knowing I am just as barren and empty as I was 365 days ago, I dont know), and I’ll be damned if I am serving 30 people my new diet food.
Right. I shouldn’t complain. I should embrace this new way of thinking, of living, of healing my body. But here’s the thing: if I didn’t have FSH levels that see-sawed more than John Kerry (oh no she dih-ihnt) I wouldnt be in this mess to begin with. And I would be enjoying gluten. This is why I think so many gluten-intolerant people are so skinny. There are limited foods out there for them to choose from, they get tired of reading labels and being creative, so they just give up on eating.
I will continue to work with this new plan for the next few weeks (I hope this friggin period gets here on the earlier side of 28 days…and for those of you counting…we’re at day 6) and hopefully less of some foods and more of others, in conjunction with acupuncture and fertility meditation cds (who WRITES THOSE THINGS?) as well as my head-doc…maybe my FSH will drop. But it needs to drop and STAY DROPPED. It was 12 before I went on the pill for two weeks…and 20 afterwards. WTH? Ass-backwards. That’s me. So even if it is miraculously low this next reading in 22ish days…it needs to STAY LOW SO I CAN GET THIS LAST CYCLE IN BEFORE 2009 IS OVER!
(and have we been reminded yet that doing all of this still does not guarantee a pregnancy?)
I hate you, infertility. But I will not hate my life because of you.
3 Comments, Comment or Ping
WOW! It makes makes me sad just thinking about life with no bread and cheese. I’ll keep my fingers crossed that your FSH goes down soon!! Let’s chant together, “One more in ’09!!! One more in ’09!!” Go get ‘em tiger!
p.s. omg I was just thinking about the meditation cd’s the other day! I mean, really, who does that??!
October 21st, 2009
I could do without dairy maybe…but the other stuff, forget about it. Good luck to you girl, you are strong and you will do it. Fertility meditation cds, wtf? xoxoxoxo
October 21st, 2009
Welcome to my world! No gluten, no dairy, and mostly no sugar. You get used to it. I don’t miss gluten. There are so many products now that replace gluten and they are good! The dairy is much harder. I can have ghee, clarified butter, so that helps a tiny bit. Again, it’s just something that you have to get used to. I’ve got that whole kidney yin deficiency/liver thang going on too. I so hope your FSH goes down! Mine is going higher as time goes on, but I still think I have some good eggs left. I’m hoping the same for you.
October 21st, 2009
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