I’m calling it.

And, it’s end-game for us. 


Right on time, my pre-period cramping has arrived, exactly a week before scheduled arrival.  Just like every month.  Clockwork.  Taking no time out for the possibility of any of my three perfect embryos implanting.


This was likely the last one for a long, long while–if ever again.  I need to focus on my husband, and making a happy marriage, and my son…instead of spending all the time, money and energy on the HOPE of something.  Infertility has caused a lot of things to happen that shouldn’t have…and now I need to make those things right.  If it’s for a year, or many years, or a lifetime…time will tell, I guess.  I am just so so sorry for my dear husband and sweet son, whom I could not give another family member to.  They don’t deserve  this.  I will regret this god awful flaw of mine for a long while.


Some dreams aren’t meant to be realized, I guess.  I can only hope (when this is behind me…you know, after a week more of emotionally-insulting shots of oil in my ass) that I am able to find new dreams, and pursue those with the same heart and determination I pursued this one.


 I ask you all for your prayers that I can fix what needs fixing in my life, and move past this hole in my heart.  I love you so much, my darling babies I will never ever know.  Your momma loves you so so much.

6 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Ok wait…. maybe just maybe the bitch is not coming. Could it be your babies implanting? I think it could be. Either way I love your attitude and know we are al here for you no matter what! I still say don’t give up hope yet, really. Sorry I just don’t know what else to say, this IF sucks it bad girl, I know. I am thinking of you, praying for you, and crossing it all that teh cramping is something else. xoxoxoxoxoxo

    March 7th, 2010

  2. Ok, I’m not going to tell you you are wrong this time. But I do hope you are pleasantly surprised. xo

    March 8th, 2010

  3. Ginger71

    I want to tell you to hang on to hope. I want to tell you that everything is fine and to stay positive but nothing I say is going to help. We (the IVF crowd) ha’ve all been there and it sucks. You just gotta feel it all for now. I’m still hoping with all my heart that ,you get that BFP though. That much I can tell you.:)
    muchas love!

    March 8th, 2010

  4. I am sorry I am sending you prayers for your road ahead.

    March 9th, 2010

  5. Trinity

    Here from LFCA… I’m keeping you in my thoughts. IF is such an incomprehensible path in life. I’m hoping that there is rejuvination, love, and comfort around the bend for you. All my heartfelt best to you.

    March 9th, 2010

  6. from LFCA… sending warm thoughts…

    March 10th, 2010

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