It’s Not All About Me

That is one of the valuable lessons I learned yesterday.  I was feeling great trepidation about seeing one of my two pregnant sisters-in-law (sister-in-laws???)  for Thanksgiving.  Ok, I wasn’t nervous about SEEING her, I was nervous about seeing her PREGNANT.  (I will admit that the combination of the good-fsh news from Wed, combined with the fact that she isn’t yet A Giant Belly worked in my favor).  But once I got there, and we hugged, everything I was worried about went away.  And it was just she and me again (odd grammar there, but I believe it is correct), and I was HAPPY for her.  Happy that she is going to be a mommy.  Happy that she was finally happy.  Unlike many holidays past, I wasn’t wondering if she was watching me with P with wistful sadness or if seeing her nephew was bittersweet…because I know she is well on her way to her own sweet child.   And I love that she and my favorite brother in law will both know the joy of being a parent.   Am I jealous?  Envious?  Ummm…yes.  You bet your ass I am.  I would really really really like to be in her shoes right now.  Really.  Reallyreally.  I have been given this next chance to try, and for that I am so thankful.  I will give this cycle my all, because I have learned the hard way that the “next cycle” is not necessarily just a month away. 


 But yesterday wasn’t about me, I wasn’t sitting in the corner thinking “poor me.”  I was sitting there, thinking, Wow. I am so happy for them.  (ok, here comes a liiiiitle bit of me again…I desperately want to know that joy again.  I want to wake up every day, touch my belly, and know I am growing a part of myself and my husband. I want to know that feeling).  But for yesterday, for those few hours we were together, I was just Happy.  Infertility can sometimes make it hard to see that it isn’t always about ME–and I am so glad that I was able to step out of that for a little while, and be happy for and with someone I love.  Yet another Thanksgiving gift, I guess…

One Comment, Comment or Ping

  1. the sister-in-law

    i love you, sister. more than words can say.

    November 29th, 2009

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