Day 1 (again…)

So it’s day one.  I made the appt with RE for Wednesday morning.  Which means Wed afternoon will be an interesting post–will I be happy about the FSH results?  Or what…?  Of course, I guess if it is still on the higher side, I have the couple of weeks on the pill to hope (and worry) about what happens to the number then.  This is it.  This is the last Take of ’09.  No pressure…right? (some irony AGAIN…last time I had a baseline and then found out the cycle was cancelled bc of FSH, SIL #1 saw baby’s heartbeat that same day.  This time, SIL #2 will be seeing her own baby’s heartbeat on Wednesday.  Will my own history repeat itself, as it likes to do?  Damn… But I will try to keep my mind positive!  As well as try not to puke on myself when I see the RE’s number on my phone Wed afternoon…)


I was thinking though–suppose I pushed Dr Dubs to stim me even if my numbers are higher than he’d like (this is all assuming they are not HIGHER than last time…in that case, I am sure we are doomed), and even if we don’t get a hell of a lot of eggs, could we do it anyway?  Could we do it with three?  And is it possible, if after a stim cycle the eggs aren’t that awesome…can it be converted immediately to an FET?  Or could we thaw-and-then-add the survivors to the mix? Can thawed ones exist in the utes with fresh ones?  We still have three in the freezer from January…a day five and 2 day sixes (recalling of course that a day six is actually in worse shape than a day five, as it took one extra day to get to the stage of “day five.”  Oh.  And why do people assume “embryo=life?”  If so, I should be living Mich.elle Dug.gar’s life right now.  Seriously.  OK. Digression over.)  Has this been done?  Can this be done? 


Gah.  I’m already so weary of thinking about all of this for so many years.  I honestly believe it has aged me–physically and emotionally.  Almost four years of knowing dates, guessing dates, imagining outcomes, gearing up for IVF cycles, cooling down after failures… now, I’m feeling the weight of it all.  Here’s hoping that things look/read well on Wednesday, and one of the 50 hurdles of this possible cycle is behind me…I mean, isn’t everyone tired of opening my posts the day after bloodwork comes back and finding more disappointment?  I am!  So here’s to the Golden Cycle.  The Last Hurrah.  Something ART-y Shall Be Done.  The Final Shoot-up of ’09.  The Last Cycle I’ll Ever Need to Do Because it Will Work!  (If you say it, it will come…)  My favorite childhood book was The Little Engine that Could.  So here goes: I think I can I think I can I think I can….

2 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. You made my head hurt with those questions. lol! Yes, I can still laugh despite my dismal circumstances.

    Thinking good thoughts for Wednesday. I need someone else to obsess over other than myself.

    November 9th, 2009

  2. I love how you just pour your thoughts out! I’ve been following your blog for a while now and just wanted to wish you luck on Wednesday. Keep up the great writing, I’m rooting for you! Oh, and I hope you don’t mind the shoutout on my blog.

    November 10th, 2009

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