A good week.

It’s a boy.  He’s healthy.  Measuring big(gish).  I’m thrilled… All parts are where they should be and everything looks to be in working order.  I then told two good (but far away) friends that I am pregnant.  Kind of weird to just say it now…and slowly, I guess, I feel more comfortable sharing the news.  I will be seeing them in two weeks anyway, so thought I should give some notice.  Still, I’d say about 75% of “my people” are in the dark.

Right now, I am the happy little pregnant person that I love to hate while undergoing failed cycle after failed cycle.  I look pregnant.  I feel happy and right and good.  I am even so stupid as to sometimes forget about the possibility of something going wrong in the next 20 weeks–and already, I am mulling over names with T.  I waver still between wanting to be so happy and live life like it is meant to be lived–and the caution that I want to throw to the wind, but remember that maybe I shouldn’t.

I also happily accepted a new role as Godmom the other week.  I’ve never been anything so special to anyone before–and though sometimes it doesn’t mean anything, to me it means a lot.  My godmother played a huge and important role in my life growing up, and still does.  I sometimes smile for no reason lately.  (also, sometimes I cry and get angry and sad for no reason–but that was always the norm.  the extra bit of happiness that comes around these days is definitely new).

I sit and think about last year this time (failed FET), last August, last September, last December….and right now, it looks like the months won’t be the same this year as they were last year (fail, cancel, fail).  I just think about how it is so damn GOOD and was once so damn BAD.  Really, I am hateable.  Well, except for those who live with me or interact with me regularly.  For them, they are probably so relieved I’m no longer Angry Bitter C.  I have it all right now.  A great husband, good friends and family, a wonderful little son, a son on the way…I.have.it.all.  Dammit that I didn’t come here the way I wanted to–and it may not stay this way–but for right now, for this very little fleeting moment in time, I have it all.

I still don’t know where to take this blog from here–it isnt the appropriate place to chat about pregnancy (and really, I don’t chat about it.  Well, there are two friends who are also currently pregnant and I talk to them about stuff.  Otherwise, I’m pretty mute about it all).  But it is another hundred bucks or so to keep this site for next year….and then what?  I know that if we have a healthy baby we will surely be doing this again….we have enough embryos on ice to play a five-on-five basketball game.  And I know by now that it would be work to do it again–taxing and anger-inducing and blah blah blah.  So maybe if we do ever get there, I’d need this again.  Because truly, this has been my lifeline for the past 11 months.  I would not have made it through the darkest points without it, and those who read and reach out.  I just don’t know.  I have another five weeks until renewal date for my domain–so I guess I’ll wait and see.

7 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Whatever you decide, we will be here. Enjoy your happiness :)

    July 7th, 2010

  2. YAY! Life is good. I’m sooooo happy for you. And, guess what?? I’m pregnant too. With another boy too! I’m just behind you at 18.5 weeks. Because of all the chaos of our last pregnancy I kept it under wraps for a while and then when I was ready to come out I just didn’t have the time to write.

    I’ve been waiting for an update from you for awhile and it was definitely worth the wait!! I am so, so, so happy for you!! I will be keeping my fingers crossed that the next 20 weeks are blissfully uneventful!!


    July 7th, 2010

  3. a boy! yay!

    i would love for you to continue blogging, but do what you feel is right for you. i’ll be here if you decide to continue!

    p.s. i love that you’re a little happy pregnant person right now!

    July 9th, 2010

  4. OMG girl this is AMAY-ZING! I knew this would be your time and I can’t even begin to express how excited I am for you! Renew it girl, we all love you and would love to read about your pregnancy or anything you feel like writing about. Again, a HUGE congrats my friend. Talk soon. xoxo

    July 10th, 2010

  5. YAY for little boys! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!

    It’s funny how IF makes you always wait for the other shoe to drop. At 20 weeks most women are feeling pretty good and confident.

    I think to end blogging now would be missing half the journey. You’ve got to post some of the baby pictures!

    July 14th, 2010

  6. Great news! Hoping with you for smooth sailing til you meet your baby boy :-)

    July 17th, 2010

  7. Coutney

    Hello! i found you blog through i think your SIL on bump.com
    I also have struggled with infertility & got pregnant through IVF just a week or so before you. I think you should keep the blog going. Even though you are pregnant you still have a different voice. Your prospective on pregnancy will be different then a mom who is carefree. I struggle with staying calm & trying to enjoy every moment. It is tough to almost get excited & not start worring about the next time.
    Thanks for your insight & I wish you the best.

    July 20th, 2010

Reply to “A good week.”