I love music. I am one of those people who always has the radio on in the car, sings along unabashedly (even these days to The Best of Barney and Thomas’ Greatest Hits). I would have a blast creating the soundtrack of my life, though I’m sure it would take the rest of my life to get it just right. There are so many songs that have had an impact on my life–songs that I can immediately associate with a person, place, event, or time. Indiana, by The Samples, was my wedding song. My h chose it, and I can still clearly remember when we were driving from campus to Chicago Valentine’s Day during senior year of college…it was the first time I heard the song, but after that trip it became a large part of my memories of those early years with my now-husband. There are songs that remind me of a summer fling (Billy Joel’s To Make You Feel My Love), songs that remind me of my best friend from college (Now and Forever by Carole King, Baton Rouge by Garth Brooks…anything by REO speedwagon), songs that remind me of a college boyfriend (lots of Tom Petty and Bruce), the song that linked my mom and I across the miles when I was away at school (This Is Me, Missing You by James House). I could go on. And on. Andonandonandon.
Since this is my infertility blog, I thought I’d share all the songs that have either gotten me through rough patches, have helped me “be tough” as I got ready to inject myself for the trillionth time, have helped me wrap myself in my sadness and just cry, have helped me try to see the light at the end…you get my drift. I highly recommend blasting music to help get pumped and in a good mindset for giving injections. Try it. Just one time, even.
- Better Things: Dar Williams. This song became a part of my life way before infertility did, but it took on new meaning as I started the treatments and dealt with failure and loss. This song brings hope into your heart–my latest favorite line is “Accept your life and what it brings.”
- It’s So Hard (When It Doesnt Come Easy): Dixie Chicks This is about two of the members’ struggle with infertility. So clearly, they hit it spot on.
- Oh Sheila: Prince A ridiculous addition to the list, but when my husband would be getting me into my “betoughbetoughbetough” mode to psyche me up to inject 450 units of the gonal F pen a few years ago–that was one song that always seemed to be on the 80s music station on the tv at the exact time we would be gearing up for shot-time. So it is a bit of a joke, because obviously it isnt really a pump-up song. But it was for us, and let us be silly in a stressful time.
- Viva la Vida: Coldplay Not as upbeat a memory–but it was always on in the car as I drove from NY to CT for my appts the first IVF we tried for baby#2. I thought it was fate, and that it meant I was meant to succeed. Newsflash: it was just really overplayed that fall. Finally, now, a year later, I can hear it without cringing…
- Moving On: Rascall Flatts The lyrics are enough. After the miscarriage it held so much more meaning for me.
- Hit Me With Your Best Shot: Pat Benatar Also a college memory, but took on new meaning as I used it as a pump-up song (for obvious reasons)
- I Would Die for That: Kelley Coffey The saddest, rawest infertility song I have ever heard. But sometimes we need to hear those songs.
- Bad Day: Daniel Powter This was my theme song for a really long time. Now, not so much. But it was there for me when I needed it the most.
- Not Ready to Make Nice: Dixie Chicks Although it’s about their fury concering politics…I used it as my “angry song” after the miscarriage and other failed attempts. “I’m not ready to make nice, I’m not ready to back down, I’m mad as hell…”
- The Hard Way: Mary Chapin Carpenter I’ve always loved her folksy music–and again, this song reappeared in my life after about 1o years…and this time with a different meaning for me.
- How Far We’ve Come: Matchbox Twenty It just provides a gentle reminder…but not so gently!
Writing this has made me extremely nostalgic–songs from runs with friends in high school or college (Break My Stride, Eye of the Tiger), songs that remind me of my dad (Landslide, any John Denver or Moody Blues), and songs that remind me of P–Godspeed by the Dixie Chicks, Beautiful Boy by John Lennon, You Are My Sunshine, Somewhere Over the Rainbow…I think this could be the entry that never ends. In order to speed the ending along, let me close with some (how cliche) lyrics: closing with the song I started with–I hope everyone who reads this will download it and adopt it as her own…
Here’s wishing you the bluest sky,
and hoping something better comes tomorrow.
Hoping all the verses rhyme, and the very best of choruses to
Follow all the drudge and sadness
I know that better things are on their way…
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