Hearing my sil go through the insanity of her first IVF 2-week-wait brings back the memories, even if my memories of that first one are kind of muddled now (too many 2-week-waits on this end!) Of course, we all know it REALLY isn’t two weeks…because it takes a person with waaay more self-discipline than I possess to wait out two weeks until a blood test. I firmly believe NO ONE should have to hear bad news they weren’t certain was coming over the phone from a nurse…and while it does take away some of the awesomeness of a great-news-surprise…who gives a crap about that part. If I am pregnant again, ever, I want to know assoonaspossible, and not one beta-point longer.
So let’s reflect in one lump of thought–for that is how our minds go anyway as we wait it out.
crap. there is that twinge. is that a pregnancy twinge or a period twinge? is that a PIO side-effect or really a sign of a growing embryo in my uterus? are my boobs really sore or are they sore because I keep poking them and smooshing them and twisting them? or are they sore from the PIO? or from the trigger shot? Am I feeling nausea? or is that just nausea because I am so nervous about this all? is that line from my trigger? is that line from the BABY? is THAT stabbing twisting pain a sure sign or not anything sure at all? Am I tired from growing a baby or tired from CRAZILY GOING OVER ALL THESE SYMPTOMS LIKE A NUTCASE? Is my husband going to drop-kick me off the deck(balcony, window, etc) for updating him ever three seconds when I change my mind about what a particular symptom means?
Oh, my dear J. You are simply now doing what every.single.other.woman has done when she has gone through this. You are not alone. You feel like it, because these are YOUR symptoms. But we all do know the struggle and the uncertainty and the what-ifs that zoom through your mind at 100 miles an hour, every other second. But the time will pass. You will find out soon. It brings us back to the “hurry up and wait” theme. And it is just insane. But the Sisterhood of the Fertility-Challenged are there with you. We’ve walked in your (probably very cute and trendy) shoes. And you will soon be at the end of this journey, hopefully calling me obscenely early because you couldn’t hold your pee anymore that morning and you saw the glorious second line and you already hugged and kissed your husband, and you wanted me to be a part of the Pee Party.
I love you. Hang in there. Keep making me so proud to call you Sister.
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Please let your SIL know that I’m rooting for her (and, obviously you too!) Searching for signs is frustrating and fun, I think that’s why we do it. Have to do something to pass all that dreadful time until we can poas. Everytime I was pregnant I felt pulling and tugging instead aches and cramps. Oh, and I always take extra B6 and B12 so my pee is unusually neon yellow, but as soon as I’m pregnant it looks normal again even if I take all the vitamins. Crazy, huh?!
September 23rd, 2009
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